Lost

Lost. That's how I feel right now. Completely lost. I don't know where I am, I don't know who I am. I thought everything was going great, and then it was turned around, and I don't even know why.I was so positive about my future. I enjoyed my learning experience in Alberta. After a relaxing trip out to the lake, I was ready to face a new week with new challenges.

On Monday, I noticed no one was talking to me unless absolutely necessary, and when they did they were very rude. I didn't know what was going on. I tried to be positive and do what I could to turn things around. But that's hard when you don't know what's going on.

Then I walked into work the next day, and before I knew what was going on, I was handed a plane ticket and a paycheck minus the cost of the ticket. I wasn't given much of an explanation. They accused me of not caring and said I wasn't learning. They also said that no one wanted to work with me, and that included them, my bosses. I did my best, and I still failed. I don't know what I did wrong. They didn't give me a chance to fix whatever it was. They didn't confront me about the problem. Instead, they sent me away.

I had such high hopes, and I was positive. I really wanted to make this work. Now my dreams have been shattered. I did my best and I still failed.

I don't know what to do. I feel...lost. I have nothing to shoot for anymore. How can two people control my future? They laughed as my heart was breaking. They didn't even tell me what I was doing wrong. They just wanted me gone as soon as possible.

I had only ten hours before my plane took off. I didn't want to leave Steve because he means a lot to me and I would miss him terribly. They told me he was the future and I was not. I had no choice but to leave. I don't even know what I did wrong. All I know is that over the past month or so, they treated me like I was nothing. Yet I STILL cared about the job and the company. I STILL did my best. But it wasn't good enough. Oh, I could have stopped caring, but I knew that if I did, I would be sent home. But I was sent home anyway. They didn't even give me a chance to rebut any of their issues with me. They went and bought the ticket with my paycheck before I knew any of this.

How dare they take away my dreams? I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. The carpet has been pulled from under my feet and I'm still trying to regain my balance. I'm home now, and as much support as I have, I still feel alone. So alone. I have no dreams. And worst of all, I have no Steve. He's on the other side of the country when I need him the most.

This whole situation is heartbreaking. And now I am left with this feeling of being...LOST.