1. Know Yourself
Know who you are. Discover who you are. Go out in nature and reflect on yourself. Know where you've been and where you're going. Know your goals and dreams. Know your hopes and fears. Keep journals.
2. Know Your Craft
Study and learn the Craft. Don't just read one book and call yourself an expert. Take courses, learn from others, read many books. Learn as many points of view as you can, so that you can form your own opinions. It would also be a great idea to attend public rituals to learn how others practice. Maybe they will have ideas and knowledge you haven't thought of. Maybe you can exchange ideas.
3. Learn
You never stop learning. Read as many books from as many points of view as possible. Ask other Wiccans questions. Don't just learn about Wicca and Witchcraft. Learn about other religions, history, or anything that might interest you.
4. Apply Knowledge With Wisdom
As you learn, the best way to solidify the knowledge in your head is to apply it. Always think before anything you do. That way you can be sure you're doing the right thing.
5. Achieve Balance
Too much of one thing is never a good thing. You should strive to achieve a balance between all things. For instance, you have home and family, but you also have a career, and you have your spiritual path, among other things. If you spend too much time in one area, then the other areas will be neglected. In my opinion, this is one of the harder goals to achieve because it's difficult to keep everything in life balanced.
6. Keep Your Thoughts in Good Order
This goal can be taken a couple different ways. Everyone knows about the law of attraction and the famous quote, "Thoughts are things." What you think is usually manifest somehow in the world. If you think nasty things all the time, if you think how bad your life is, then things will continue to not go as well for you. However, if you think positively, then things will start to look up for you. Also, don't think of others badly. If you think of other people badly, then people will not want to be around you, because it can be sensed subconsciously by others.
7. Keep Your Words in Good Order
This goal is similar to number 6. It's better to speak positively for the same reasons. You want people to be happy when you enter a room, not happy when you leave. Others flock to positive people. Also, if you encourage someone, or say nice things to them, it will often make their day. You don't know if they were having a bad day and really needed a pick-me-up.
8. Celebrate Life
Live in the moment. Live every moment. Stop to smell the roses, so to speak. Don't get caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day life. Stop to enjoy it. Take a long nature walk and listen to the animals and the breeze in the trees. Spend time with your loved ones. Do things that you always wanted to do. Don't waste your life sitting around complaining and not enjoying your time here.
9. Attune With the Cycles of the Earth
This is very important. We celebrate Sabbats that are based on these cycles. The reason why we celebrate them at certain times because they all fall on turning points in our year. If you track all the Sabbats and Esbats in one year, and you note the important things you notice in the world around you, especially the natural world, then you will see how the cycles work.
10. Breathe and Eat Correctly
We should eat healthy and breathe the way we're meant to breathe. Too many people eat junk food and fast food. While that's occasionally ok, it's not healthy. And if you're body isn't healthy, it starts to break down and as you get older, you will have problems. As for breathing, most people don't breathe properly. Most people breathe very shallow. You don't take in nearly as much oxygen as you need. You should be breathing deeper, and not just when in Yoga class.
11. Exercise the Body
This is another thing that keeps your body healthy. Regular exercise. Don't be lazy and sit in front of the TV all day. I don't understand how a witch would do that, while following a nature spirituality. You don't have to run marathons, but if you go outside and walk once a day, it's very good for you. As witches, we should try to go out for walks several times a week, and be out in nature. Even if you live in a city, there's still nature around you. I'm glad I live away from the city. I have woods and animals - all kinds of nature.
12. Meditate
Meditation is difficult for many people. In this day and age, the mind is always running. It's hard to still the thoughts. Meditation is great for many things. It's a way to connect with the Goddess or God. It's a way to visualize a place that calms you. It's a way to forget about your daily stresses. People who meditate are often happier because they have learned to let go of the stress. It's advisable to meditate for at least 10 minutes each day.
13. Honour the Goddess and the God
This is an important goal. If you follow a religion, you really should honour your deity or deities. Otherwise, what's the point? It's important to establish a relationship with them. It helps you to become a better person. If you don't know your deity, then why are you a part of your religion? Honouring them should be done every day, not just at Sabbats and Esbats. You don't have to sit down and do daily devotions. If you help someone in need, you are honouring deity. If you pick up litter, you are honouring deity. If you give thanks or say what you're grateful for, you are honouring deity.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Know Why You Believe What You Believe
As some people may know, I'm a Wiccan. I once heard a wise man say, "Know why you believe what you believe." Everyone has a different path. What's right for me, may not be right for you, and vice versa.
I would like to explain why I chose Wicca. It's not because it's cool or a fad, or because of a TV show. I thought long and hard and did a ton of research before committing myself to this path.
Wicca is a nature religion. I respect the Earth. I always felt drawn to nature.
Most Wiccans follow the Rede: An' it harm none, do as thou wilt. That seems to say it all, doesn't it? I find that I have been thinking long and hard about everything I do, because I also believe that whatever I do comes back to me threefold.
I like how open-minded most Wiccans are. The religion doesn't discriminate against gender, race, sexual orientation, or even other religions. I felt welcome, just as I am.
I like the idea of having a Goddess and a God. I don't like the patriarchy of other religions. It feels like there's something missing. There's no balance without having the female aspect. Balance is very important.
I love that I can practice solitary. My relationship with the Goddess and God is a personal one and sometimes I find it easier on my own. Other times, it's good to practice in a coven.
I'll admit, I also enjoy the magick that I do, but the religion side of Wicca has always been more important to me.
I will admit I came from a Christian background. I didn't go to church often because it never felt right to me. A lot of things didn't make sense. It may be fine for someone who believes in those things, but it just wasn't for me. One thing I never understood is the concept of sin. I thought it was pessimistic to always think of myself as a sinner. And it always seemed like I was doing something wrong...and that made me more of a sinner.
I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm just being honest about my beliefs and why I chose this religious path. There are a lot of people who follow a religion because of their parents, or because the religion seems cool, or any number of reasons. All I say is that before you believe something, know why you believe in it. And please don't force your beliefs on others. Everyone is entitled to their own belief system. I don't know why the world can't be more accepting. I know there are a lot of stereotypes out there about Wicca and other Pagan religions. I won't get into that here.
The best part about being a Wiccan, is that ever since I found this path several years ago, it has helped me learn and grow into a better person. Isn't that what religion and spirituality is all about? It doesn't matter what your path is, whether you're Wiccan, Druid, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Islamic, or even Athiest...or any of the other countless religions out there. As long as you know why you believe what you believe, and are happy, then that's all that matters.
Well, I hope you enjoyed my note. Blessed be!
I would like to explain why I chose Wicca. It's not because it's cool or a fad, or because of a TV show. I thought long and hard and did a ton of research before committing myself to this path.
Wicca is a nature religion. I respect the Earth. I always felt drawn to nature.
Most Wiccans follow the Rede: An' it harm none, do as thou wilt. That seems to say it all, doesn't it? I find that I have been thinking long and hard about everything I do, because I also believe that whatever I do comes back to me threefold.
I like how open-minded most Wiccans are. The religion doesn't discriminate against gender, race, sexual orientation, or even other religions. I felt welcome, just as I am.
I like the idea of having a Goddess and a God. I don't like the patriarchy of other religions. It feels like there's something missing. There's no balance without having the female aspect. Balance is very important.
I love that I can practice solitary. My relationship with the Goddess and God is a personal one and sometimes I find it easier on my own. Other times, it's good to practice in a coven.
I'll admit, I also enjoy the magick that I do, but the religion side of Wicca has always been more important to me.
I will admit I came from a Christian background. I didn't go to church often because it never felt right to me. A lot of things didn't make sense. It may be fine for someone who believes in those things, but it just wasn't for me. One thing I never understood is the concept of sin. I thought it was pessimistic to always think of myself as a sinner. And it always seemed like I was doing something wrong...and that made me more of a sinner.
I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm just being honest about my beliefs and why I chose this religious path. There are a lot of people who follow a religion because of their parents, or because the religion seems cool, or any number of reasons. All I say is that before you believe something, know why you believe in it. And please don't force your beliefs on others. Everyone is entitled to their own belief system. I don't know why the world can't be more accepting. I know there are a lot of stereotypes out there about Wicca and other Pagan religions. I won't get into that here.
The best part about being a Wiccan, is that ever since I found this path several years ago, it has helped me learn and grow into a better person. Isn't that what religion and spirituality is all about? It doesn't matter what your path is, whether you're Wiccan, Druid, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Islamic, or even Athiest...or any of the other countless religions out there. As long as you know why you believe what you believe, and are happy, then that's all that matters.
Well, I hope you enjoyed my note. Blessed be!
The Burning Times Are Upon Us
I am saddened. I thought the Burning Times were long gone. The Burning Times were a period in history when people were accused of witchcraft, and then burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured until death. Most of the people accused weren't even witches. A lot of them were just healers, or midwives, or even just old and lonely women. It happened because the Christians of the day wanted everyone to follow their religion, and anyone who didn't must be following Satan, which wasn't true.
Today, the persecutions continue. Pagans are losing jobs and their children because of their beliefs. This isn't back in the 1600s. This is as little as a month ago. Some people are losing their homes, or being kicked out of school. There has been one girl, about thirteen, who committed suicide because of all the teasing and bullying at school. There's really no need of that. There's also a case right now in Nigeria, where children - CHILDREN! are being hurt. Their eyes are being burned with dangerous liquids. Their heads are being bashed with two by fours. The parents of these children are taking them to a preacher who does all these things to them. And the parents sit by and watch, believing that the devil is being beaten out of them, quite literally. What scares me is that this isn't the middle ages. This is today, and it's only getting worse.
Why can't people live and let live? Why must they force everyone to be the same? I found the path to follow that is right for me. I'm not going to be threatened into conversion. I'm often told that if I don't convert, I will go to hell. That's a threat. I'd rather find a path that works for me. A path that allows me to fix this life of mine. I have a lot of problems, and I'm going through a dark period of my life. I don't know how long this will last. But I'm hoping that my spirituality will help pull me out of this and get on with my life.
I'm scared that I will one day be persecuted for my beliefs. I'm afraid that I will be hurt, or the people around me, just because I have different beliefs and a different way of life. I don't care what other people believe. Why should anyone else care? Let's all just live and let live.
I want to give a special thank you to my family and friends for accepting that I am a Pagan. I know there are a few of you that had to learn to accept it, but the fact that you eventually got there, I appreciate it.
Today, the persecutions continue. Pagans are losing jobs and their children because of their beliefs. This isn't back in the 1600s. This is as little as a month ago. Some people are losing their homes, or being kicked out of school. There has been one girl, about thirteen, who committed suicide because of all the teasing and bullying at school. There's really no need of that. There's also a case right now in Nigeria, where children - CHILDREN! are being hurt. Their eyes are being burned with dangerous liquids. Their heads are being bashed with two by fours. The parents of these children are taking them to a preacher who does all these things to them. And the parents sit by and watch, believing that the devil is being beaten out of them, quite literally. What scares me is that this isn't the middle ages. This is today, and it's only getting worse.
Why can't people live and let live? Why must they force everyone to be the same? I found the path to follow that is right for me. I'm not going to be threatened into conversion. I'm often told that if I don't convert, I will go to hell. That's a threat. I'd rather find a path that works for me. A path that allows me to fix this life of mine. I have a lot of problems, and I'm going through a dark period of my life. I don't know how long this will last. But I'm hoping that my spirituality will help pull me out of this and get on with my life.
I'm scared that I will one day be persecuted for my beliefs. I'm afraid that I will be hurt, or the people around me, just because I have different beliefs and a different way of life. I don't care what other people believe. Why should anyone else care? Let's all just live and let live.
I want to give a special thank you to my family and friends for accepting that I am a Pagan. I know there are a few of you that had to learn to accept it, but the fact that you eventually got there, I appreciate it.
It's That Time of Year Again...
***this has been in my private files since December 17, 2008; only now have I posted it on my blog***
As everyone knows, that time of year is upon us. It's a time of family, a time of good times, and a time of...religion? Wait a second. I live in a society that largely celebrates Christmas. However, I noticed that the other special days are forgotten. Christmas is not the only thing celebrated this time of year. There's also Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and many other festivals most people have never heard of. Then there's Yule.
Yule is what I celebrate, as a Pagan. It falls on the winter solstice each year, around December 21. For me, it is the rebirth of the Sun God from the Mother Goddess. To people who aren't familiar with Paganism, that may seem strange, but to me, that is my belief. A lot of what we do on Yule is similar to Christmas. We still exchange gifts and cards, we decorate trees, we sing carols, we have religious ceremonies. Actually, most of those traditions originally come from Paganism, but most people don't know that.
I don't mean to offend people, but when I say I don't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, some people do tend to not take it so well. They ask me how I could possibly not see how 'Jesus is the reason for the season'. I just say that I don't follow Christianity. I have my own religious observances and beliefs. Unfortunately, some people can't take that as an answer. Then I'm given the whole spiel about how I'm going to hell because I haven't accepted Jesus as my lord and saviour. Add a few bible quotes into the mix and a very uncomfortable situation is created.
I don't get offended when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. However, I do get offended when someone tells me my religious beliefs-something I hold very dear to my heart-are wrong. There are people who don't understand that there are so many belief systems that how could only one be right? Then I'm told that the bible says Jesus is the only way to God. But what they don't realize is that the bible only applies to Christians who follow that faith.
All I'm asking during this holiday season is that you remember everyone. Don't get offended when someone wishes you a Blessed Yule, Happy Hannukah, or Merry Christmas. Smile, and offer your own best wishes in return.
We live in the best country in the world: CANADA. One thing that makes me proud to be Canadian is our freedom. There are so many things we take for granted. Our freedom is one of those things. Many countries don't have the same freedom we do. Please keep in mind that everyone has the right to follow whatever religion they choose, and believe what they believe, and celebrate what religious holidays they observe. Why don't we all just live and let live? Remember what the holiday season is all about. It's about acceptance. And spending time with those you love.
So, to those who are reading this that are Christian, I wish you a Merry Christmas. To any Jewish readers, Happy Hannukah. And to my fellow Wiccans and Pagans, Blessed Yule. And to all a good night.
As everyone knows, that time of year is upon us. It's a time of family, a time of good times, and a time of...religion? Wait a second. I live in a society that largely celebrates Christmas. However, I noticed that the other special days are forgotten. Christmas is not the only thing celebrated this time of year. There's also Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and many other festivals most people have never heard of. Then there's Yule.
Yule is what I celebrate, as a Pagan. It falls on the winter solstice each year, around December 21. For me, it is the rebirth of the Sun God from the Mother Goddess. To people who aren't familiar with Paganism, that may seem strange, but to me, that is my belief. A lot of what we do on Yule is similar to Christmas. We still exchange gifts and cards, we decorate trees, we sing carols, we have religious ceremonies. Actually, most of those traditions originally come from Paganism, but most people don't know that.
I don't mean to offend people, but when I say I don't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, some people do tend to not take it so well. They ask me how I could possibly not see how 'Jesus is the reason for the season'. I just say that I don't follow Christianity. I have my own religious observances and beliefs. Unfortunately, some people can't take that as an answer. Then I'm given the whole spiel about how I'm going to hell because I haven't accepted Jesus as my lord and saviour. Add a few bible quotes into the mix and a very uncomfortable situation is created.
I don't get offended when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. However, I do get offended when someone tells me my religious beliefs-something I hold very dear to my heart-are wrong. There are people who don't understand that there are so many belief systems that how could only one be right? Then I'm told that the bible says Jesus is the only way to God. But what they don't realize is that the bible only applies to Christians who follow that faith.
All I'm asking during this holiday season is that you remember everyone. Don't get offended when someone wishes you a Blessed Yule, Happy Hannukah, or Merry Christmas. Smile, and offer your own best wishes in return.
We live in the best country in the world: CANADA. One thing that makes me proud to be Canadian is our freedom. There are so many things we take for granted. Our freedom is one of those things. Many countries don't have the same freedom we do. Please keep in mind that everyone has the right to follow whatever religion they choose, and believe what they believe, and celebrate what religious holidays they observe. Why don't we all just live and let live? Remember what the holiday season is all about. It's about acceptance. And spending time with those you love.
So, to those who are reading this that are Christian, I wish you a Merry Christmas. To any Jewish readers, Happy Hannukah. And to my fellow Wiccans and Pagans, Blessed Yule. And to all a good night.
Life
Life is precious. One minute you can be sitting on top of the world, and the next minute, barely clinging to it. No one knows what's going to happen. No one knows how long we have.
There were three recent deaths in the family, and each one upset me. I understand and accept death, but it's still hard facing the fact that I will never be able to see them again. I have so many memories flowing through my mind. Suddenly I realize I'm smiling. I would rather remember them in life than in death. I would rather have all the good memories to hold onto.
Over the past few weeks, I thought long and hard about life. Life is too short to be wasted. Everyone has a chance to be alive, but not everyone really lives. Carpe Diem: Seize the day. Live life the way it's meant to be lived.
Say I'm Sorry for those stupid grudges you held for so long...
Say I Love You to all those people in your life, even if you're too stubborn to admit it...
Take those risks that you wanted to take...
Do all the things you would like to do before you die...
It's like the song says:
We're here for a good time, not a long time,
So have a good time,
The sun can't shine every day.
I have made many mistakes in my life. I have many regrets. But I want to move forward. I have become discouraged over my new life in Alberta. Then I realized that if I don't focus, then my life will pass by, and I'll be wondering 'What If?' What if I were to give it my all and everything would work out? What if I jumped the hurdles to overcome my shortcomings and went on to succeed? What if?
One regret I have is not telling the people in my life just what they mean to me. Sometimes I'm too stubborn to admit it. But who knows when their time will come? Who knows when my time will come? Who knows when it will be too late to say, 'I love you'?
I'm not very good with words - as most of you know I can be a very quiet person. I think I'm better with words when I write them down. I just want to say 'I Love You' to all four of my parents, my six siblings, my countless aunts and uncles and cousins, my grandparents that are still alive, and all the animals that are in my life. I love you all. But a special 'I Love You' goes to the person that means more to me than anything in this world, Steve H. Steve, you were there for me when I needed you the most. I love you more than you'll ever know.
It's never too late to tell a person how you feel. You never know how soon the time will come when you'll never have another chance.
This note is dedicated to Opa, Geri, and Sylvia. I love you and miss you.
There were three recent deaths in the family, and each one upset me. I understand and accept death, but it's still hard facing the fact that I will never be able to see them again. I have so many memories flowing through my mind. Suddenly I realize I'm smiling. I would rather remember them in life than in death. I would rather have all the good memories to hold onto.
Over the past few weeks, I thought long and hard about life. Life is too short to be wasted. Everyone has a chance to be alive, but not everyone really lives. Carpe Diem: Seize the day. Live life the way it's meant to be lived.
Say I'm Sorry for those stupid grudges you held for so long...
Say I Love You to all those people in your life, even if you're too stubborn to admit it...
Take those risks that you wanted to take...
Do all the things you would like to do before you die...
It's like the song says:
We're here for a good time, not a long time,
So have a good time,
The sun can't shine every day.
I have made many mistakes in my life. I have many regrets. But I want to move forward. I have become discouraged over my new life in Alberta. Then I realized that if I don't focus, then my life will pass by, and I'll be wondering 'What If?' What if I were to give it my all and everything would work out? What if I jumped the hurdles to overcome my shortcomings and went on to succeed? What if?
One regret I have is not telling the people in my life just what they mean to me. Sometimes I'm too stubborn to admit it. But who knows when their time will come? Who knows when my time will come? Who knows when it will be too late to say, 'I love you'?
I'm not very good with words - as most of you know I can be a very quiet person. I think I'm better with words when I write them down. I just want to say 'I Love You' to all four of my parents, my six siblings, my countless aunts and uncles and cousins, my grandparents that are still alive, and all the animals that are in my life. I love you all. But a special 'I Love You' goes to the person that means more to me than anything in this world, Steve H. Steve, you were there for me when I needed you the most. I love you more than you'll ever know.
It's never too late to tell a person how you feel. You never know how soon the time will come when you'll never have another chance.
This note is dedicated to Opa, Geri, and Sylvia. I love you and miss you.
Time for Something Positive...
I don't know if anyone even bothers to read my notes. I realized just how depressing my last note was. I guess I was just really upset. Now I want to try something a little more positive. Ironically, I have what I call a Positivity Journal. It's not like my regular journal. My regular journal has my daily happenings, and thoughts, whether good or bad. With my positivity journal, I am required to think of one positive thing that happened every day, or something positive I thought about. I started off the journal with what I'm grateful for. Here's some of my list:
I Am Grateful For...
My wonderful boyfriend Steve
My cat Shadow
My tarantula Arachnia
My spirituality
My family
My health
My country
My travels
My love for animals
If anyone reads this note of mine, I encourage you to think about what you're grateful for. And never forget, like I did earlier. Thanks for reading.
I Am Grateful For...
My wonderful boyfriend Steve
My cat Shadow
My tarantula Arachnia
My spirituality
My family
My health
My country
My travels
My love for animals
If anyone reads this note of mine, I encourage you to think about what you're grateful for. And never forget, like I did earlier. Thanks for reading.
Lost
Lost. That's how I feel right now. Completely lost. I don't know where I am, I don't know who I am. I thought everything was going great, and then it was turned around, and I don't even know why.I was so positive about my future. I enjoyed my learning experience in Alberta. After a relaxing trip out to the lake, I was ready to face a new week with new challenges.
On Monday, I noticed no one was talking to me unless absolutely necessary, and when they did they were very rude. I didn't know what was going on. I tried to be positive and do what I could to turn things around. But that's hard when you don't know what's going on.
Then I walked into work the next day, and before I knew what was going on, I was handed a plane ticket and a paycheck minus the cost of the ticket. I wasn't given much of an explanation. They accused me of not caring and said I wasn't learning. They also said that no one wanted to work with me, and that included them, my bosses. I did my best, and I still failed. I don't know what I did wrong. They didn't give me a chance to fix whatever it was. They didn't confront me about the problem. Instead, they sent me away.
I had such high hopes, and I was positive. I really wanted to make this work. Now my dreams have been shattered. I did my best and I still failed.
I don't know what to do. I feel...lost. I have nothing to shoot for anymore. How can two people control my future? They laughed as my heart was breaking. They didn't even tell me what I was doing wrong. They just wanted me gone as soon as possible.
I had only ten hours before my plane took off. I didn't want to leave Steve because he means a lot to me and I would miss him terribly. They told me he was the future and I was not. I had no choice but to leave. I don't even know what I did wrong. All I know is that over the past month or so, they treated me like I was nothing. Yet I STILL cared about the job and the company. I STILL did my best. But it wasn't good enough. Oh, I could have stopped caring, but I knew that if I did, I would be sent home. But I was sent home anyway. They didn't even give me a chance to rebut any of their issues with me. They went and bought the ticket with my paycheck before I knew any of this.
How dare they take away my dreams? I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. The carpet has been pulled from under my feet and I'm still trying to regain my balance. I'm home now, and as much support as I have, I still feel alone. So alone. I have no dreams. And worst of all, I have no Steve. He's on the other side of the country when I need him the most.
This whole situation is heartbreaking. And now I am left with this feeling of being...LOST.
On Monday, I noticed no one was talking to me unless absolutely necessary, and when they did they were very rude. I didn't know what was going on. I tried to be positive and do what I could to turn things around. But that's hard when you don't know what's going on.
Then I walked into work the next day, and before I knew what was going on, I was handed a plane ticket and a paycheck minus the cost of the ticket. I wasn't given much of an explanation. They accused me of not caring and said I wasn't learning. They also said that no one wanted to work with me, and that included them, my bosses. I did my best, and I still failed. I don't know what I did wrong. They didn't give me a chance to fix whatever it was. They didn't confront me about the problem. Instead, they sent me away.
I had such high hopes, and I was positive. I really wanted to make this work. Now my dreams have been shattered. I did my best and I still failed.
I don't know what to do. I feel...lost. I have nothing to shoot for anymore. How can two people control my future? They laughed as my heart was breaking. They didn't even tell me what I was doing wrong. They just wanted me gone as soon as possible.
I had only ten hours before my plane took off. I didn't want to leave Steve because he means a lot to me and I would miss him terribly. They told me he was the future and I was not. I had no choice but to leave. I don't even know what I did wrong. All I know is that over the past month or so, they treated me like I was nothing. Yet I STILL cared about the job and the company. I STILL did my best. But it wasn't good enough. Oh, I could have stopped caring, but I knew that if I did, I would be sent home. But I was sent home anyway. They didn't even give me a chance to rebut any of their issues with me. They went and bought the ticket with my paycheck before I knew any of this.
How dare they take away my dreams? I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. The carpet has been pulled from under my feet and I'm still trying to regain my balance. I'm home now, and as much support as I have, I still feel alone. So alone. I have no dreams. And worst of all, I have no Steve. He's on the other side of the country when I need him the most.
This whole situation is heartbreaking. And now I am left with this feeling of being...LOST.
Proud
What have you done today to make you feel proud? I realize I've been allowing people to control the way I feel. I've been allowing people to control my future. I have a song that always gets me into a better mood that I accidentally played, when I meant to put on a sadder song. Then I realized it happened for a reason. The song was Proud (Heather Small). It inspired me to stop wallowing in self pity and figure out what I'm going to do with my life. Now I have clarity. I feel much better. I thank everyone for your support. I really needed it during this dark period of my life. Now I know what I must do. I will keep everyone updated, but for now I can't say anything until I figure out the details. For now, here are the lyrics to the song. Go on YouTube and look up 'Proud Heather Small', and you will know how inspiring the song is. The lyrics are only part of it. The music itself is that much more.
Things You Didn't Know About Me Until Now...
1. I am currently undergoing a complete life makeover. I went through a dark period in my life throughout December. With the help of a couple friends, I was able to pick myself up and start to work towards some life changes.
2. My first so-called celebrity crush was He-Man. There's something about a guy with muscles and a sword!
3. I absolutely love storms. Storms of all kinds. During thunderstorms, I'm the one who runs outside and dances in the rain as the lightning shoots through the sky. I also love snowstorms. I like to have snowball fights during blizzards. I was the one who went out in White Juan with my video camera. I also love watching storms from inside.
4. I am a practicing witch. My religion is Wicca.
5. When I was in grade 12, I started my own online fan club for the Adventures of Sinbad, that had over 100 members all over the world. I was the Captain and had my own First Mate. We also had newsletters, committees, events, and websites. I spent most of my time on the club.
6. I worship the ancient Egyptian goddesses and gods. Some people think that is strange, but I relate more with the Egyptian deities than I do with any other god figure.
7. I write books. I have been writing most of my life. I don't have any published yet. I am working on a historical romance based on the Halifax Explosion. That one's my baby that I've been working on for at least ten years.
8. I am an empath. I feel what other people are feeling. When I'm in a room and someone walks in, I can quickly feel their mood. This can be a good thing, in that I understand other people. It can also be a bad thing because it affects me and my feelings. I am learning to block people so that I am not affected by others, and use the talent when I need to, instead of all the time.
9. I absolutely despise green beans. I can't even look at them. I don't care how healthy they are, green beans will not pass my lips.
10. I am musically talented. I have been playing piano since elementary school. I also know how to play guitar, percussion (xylophone, drums), tinwhistle, recorder, and at one time I even tried mandolin.
11. I can speak both English and French. I am learning Dutch, since my Dad's family is from the Netherlands. I also know a lot of sign language.
12. I can be an extremely emotional person. Just about anything will make me cry. Frustration and stress are the big things. I also cry out of happiness.
13. I love to travel. I've been to Scotland and England. I have also been to Kentucky, Maine, and Missouri in the USA. The Canadian provinces I've been to were: Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, Ontario, and Alberta. I want to travel much more, especially to Egypt and the Netherlands.
14. I am a huge fan of the rock band Queen. My favourite song has always been We Are The Champions. Their music has helped me through tough times in my life. There's a song for every situation. I have all their albums in vinyl, cassette, and CD. I also have all their DVDs they released, and some VHS. I can sing 95% of their songs without missing words.
15. I love dogs. I've always had an affinity with dogs. I connect with dogs very easily. I love them and they love me. I love to play with them and walk them and spend time with them.
16. I am lefthanded. You'd think life would be difficult because of that, but I learned to deal.
17. I won the first Employee of the Month award they had at Wendy's while I was working there. I got a cake, a 50$ cheque, and a name on the plaque. I worked my butt off prior to receiving the award.
18. I am a hopeless romantic. I have the mindset: "Why can't real life be like movies or Harlequin romances?" I love romance and chivalry. Romance and love is more important to me than anything.
19. I am very creative and imaginative. I am good at visualization. I am also good at anything creative, like writing and photography.
20. I love the ocean. I could spend all day sitting by the oceanside just reading or writing or watching the waves flow gently to the shore. One day I will own a house on the ocean.
21. I am a country girl at heart. I prefer the quiet and tranquility that I get when I'm away from the hustle and bustle of the city.
22. I am currently trying to teach myself how to dance. I won't mention what type of dance because it's so not me.
23. I have a few important goals in my life. Well, I wrote up my own bucket list (things to accomplish before I kick the bucket), but these goals stand out: Publish a book, write an article with accompanying photos for National Geographic (hopefully an article about wolves), get married, and live happily ever after.
24. My favourite store is Little Mysteries in downtown Halifax. They sell everything that has to do with Paganism - books, stones, incense, clothing, jewelry, tarot decks, runes, DVDs, CDs, herbs, and so much more. I'm one of their biggest customers. I can never spend less than a couple hundred every time I'm in there.
25. I am currently in the process of soulsearching, and discovering who I am. It's a long neverending process, but I'm growing every day. I will become the person I always wanted to be. I have had a major epiphany recently, starting a series of changes.
2. My first so-called celebrity crush was He-Man. There's something about a guy with muscles and a sword!
3. I absolutely love storms. Storms of all kinds. During thunderstorms, I'm the one who runs outside and dances in the rain as the lightning shoots through the sky. I also love snowstorms. I like to have snowball fights during blizzards. I was the one who went out in White Juan with my video camera. I also love watching storms from inside.
4. I am a practicing witch. My religion is Wicca.
5. When I was in grade 12, I started my own online fan club for the Adventures of Sinbad, that had over 100 members all over the world. I was the Captain and had my own First Mate. We also had newsletters, committees, events, and websites. I spent most of my time on the club.
6. I worship the ancient Egyptian goddesses and gods. Some people think that is strange, but I relate more with the Egyptian deities than I do with any other god figure.
7. I write books. I have been writing most of my life. I don't have any published yet. I am working on a historical romance based on the Halifax Explosion. That one's my baby that I've been working on for at least ten years.
8. I am an empath. I feel what other people are feeling. When I'm in a room and someone walks in, I can quickly feel their mood. This can be a good thing, in that I understand other people. It can also be a bad thing because it affects me and my feelings. I am learning to block people so that I am not affected by others, and use the talent when I need to, instead of all the time.
9. I absolutely despise green beans. I can't even look at them. I don't care how healthy they are, green beans will not pass my lips.
10. I am musically talented. I have been playing piano since elementary school. I also know how to play guitar, percussion (xylophone, drums), tinwhistle, recorder, and at one time I even tried mandolin.
11. I can speak both English and French. I am learning Dutch, since my Dad's family is from the Netherlands. I also know a lot of sign language.
12. I can be an extremely emotional person. Just about anything will make me cry. Frustration and stress are the big things. I also cry out of happiness.
13. I love to travel. I've been to Scotland and England. I have also been to Kentucky, Maine, and Missouri in the USA. The Canadian provinces I've been to were: Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, Ontario, and Alberta. I want to travel much more, especially to Egypt and the Netherlands.
14. I am a huge fan of the rock band Queen. My favourite song has always been We Are The Champions. Their music has helped me through tough times in my life. There's a song for every situation. I have all their albums in vinyl, cassette, and CD. I also have all their DVDs they released, and some VHS. I can sing 95% of their songs without missing words.
15. I love dogs. I've always had an affinity with dogs. I connect with dogs very easily. I love them and they love me. I love to play with them and walk them and spend time with them.
16. I am lefthanded. You'd think life would be difficult because of that, but I learned to deal.
17. I won the first Employee of the Month award they had at Wendy's while I was working there. I got a cake, a 50$ cheque, and a name on the plaque. I worked my butt off prior to receiving the award.
18. I am a hopeless romantic. I have the mindset: "Why can't real life be like movies or Harlequin romances?" I love romance and chivalry. Romance and love is more important to me than anything.
19. I am very creative and imaginative. I am good at visualization. I am also good at anything creative, like writing and photography.
20. I love the ocean. I could spend all day sitting by the oceanside just reading or writing or watching the waves flow gently to the shore. One day I will own a house on the ocean.
21. I am a country girl at heart. I prefer the quiet and tranquility that I get when I'm away from the hustle and bustle of the city.
22. I am currently trying to teach myself how to dance. I won't mention what type of dance because it's so not me.
23. I have a few important goals in my life. Well, I wrote up my own bucket list (things to accomplish before I kick the bucket), but these goals stand out: Publish a book, write an article with accompanying photos for National Geographic (hopefully an article about wolves), get married, and live happily ever after.
24. My favourite store is Little Mysteries in downtown Halifax. They sell everything that has to do with Paganism - books, stones, incense, clothing, jewelry, tarot decks, runes, DVDs, CDs, herbs, and so much more. I'm one of their biggest customers. I can never spend less than a couple hundred every time I'm in there.
25. I am currently in the process of soulsearching, and discovering who I am. It's a long neverending process, but I'm growing every day. I will become the person I always wanted to be. I have had a major epiphany recently, starting a series of changes.
A Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I am sitting here alone on a stormy winter night. I'm reflecting on my life and I have but one request. I don't want toys, I don't want a new car. I don't need tickets to a faraway place. Material things aren't enough this year. If you can bring me but one thing, please bring me happiness.
Please take my world and make it stop spinning. I'm so dizzy that I can't think straight. Half the time I spend on my hands and knees trying to regain my balance. I can't stand. I feel as if someone pulled the rug from my feet.
Please give my life meaning. I have no direction now. I am lost in a forest and I need you to help me find my way.
Please bring my love back home. I miss him terribly and I am lonely without him. Let him know just how much I care about him.
Please bring me friends to spend time with. Friends who are there for me without hidden agendas. People who like me for me.
Please take away my depression. Take away the tears. Give me laughter for just one day. Make the pain go away.
Santa, all I ask is that you bring me happiness. Allow me to feel the joys of life, instead of being afraid of life. Show me how to live my life to the fullest.
I want to look into my stocking and find just a handful of happy. Just long enough to last for one day. That's all I ask. I just want one day.
Wishing you all the best,
~Kelly
***This letter was written on December 23rd, 2008. I only now decided to post it on my blog.***
I am sitting here alone on a stormy winter night. I'm reflecting on my life and I have but one request. I don't want toys, I don't want a new car. I don't need tickets to a faraway place. Material things aren't enough this year. If you can bring me but one thing, please bring me happiness.
Please take my world and make it stop spinning. I'm so dizzy that I can't think straight. Half the time I spend on my hands and knees trying to regain my balance. I can't stand. I feel as if someone pulled the rug from my feet.
Please give my life meaning. I have no direction now. I am lost in a forest and I need you to help me find my way.
Please bring my love back home. I miss him terribly and I am lonely without him. Let him know just how much I care about him.
Please bring me friends to spend time with. Friends who are there for me without hidden agendas. People who like me for me.
Please take away my depression. Take away the tears. Give me laughter for just one day. Make the pain go away.
Santa, all I ask is that you bring me happiness. Allow me to feel the joys of life, instead of being afraid of life. Show me how to live my life to the fullest.
I want to look into my stocking and find just a handful of happy. Just long enough to last for one day. That's all I ask. I just want one day.
Wishing you all the best,
~Kelly
***This letter was written on December 23rd, 2008. I only now decided to post it on my blog.***
Why?
Why am I not allowed to be Wiccan?
Why am I not allowed to practice Witchcraft?
Why do Christians harass me and tell me that Jesus is the only way to salvation?
That really bothers me. Christians need to understand that their bible only applies to the religion of Christianity. That is one religion out of thousands of religions. I believe everyone has their own path to follow. Recently I've been getting harassing messages on my YouTube page by some Christian who keeps telling me to repent. I have no reason to repent because I am not doing anything wrong.
I just want to know why Christians think theirs is the only way. I can't believe in the bible. I just can't. I can't believe that everyone is a sinner. I try to be a little more positive than that. I can't believe that homosexuality is wrong. I can't believe women are lesser than men. I can't believe the bible is the word of some deity, when it's written by man. I don't have a problem with people who are Christian. I just have a problem with them telling me I'm wrong when I don't have a reason to believe in their religion. I just can't.
I tried to let Jesus in. Nothing happened. Then as I explored spirituality, I came across Wicca. When I started to practice, I felt something. It was more than I have ever felt when I tried to read the bible (and yes, I read a good number of books in the bible). I feel the presence of the Goddess and the God when I cast a ritual circle. That's how I know that what I practice is right for me. The goddess gives me strength in times of need and strength. Jesus and the Christian god was never there for me. So why should I be there for him and believe in him? I just can't.
So please, all Christians everywhere, I love discussing religion and having a healthy religious debate, but don't expect me to change my views.
Don't force me to believe as you do.
Don't tell me I'm going to hell, a place I don't believe exists.
Don't send me messages telling me to repent.
Don't quote the bible.
That's another thing. Christians are always quoting the bible. Can't you think for yourself? Don't believe the bible because someone tells you it's the truth. Go on a spiritual journey and make sure you know why you believe in the bible. Only then can you find your own spiritual truth. If it's Christianity, that's great. You've found your path. But please realize that Jesus is not the only way, and leave the Pagans alone. Leave the Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Zoroastrians, and everyone else alone.
I know why I believe what I believe. Do you?
Why am I not allowed to practice Witchcraft?
Why do Christians harass me and tell me that Jesus is the only way to salvation?
That really bothers me. Christians need to understand that their bible only applies to the religion of Christianity. That is one religion out of thousands of religions. I believe everyone has their own path to follow. Recently I've been getting harassing messages on my YouTube page by some Christian who keeps telling me to repent. I have no reason to repent because I am not doing anything wrong.
I just want to know why Christians think theirs is the only way. I can't believe in the bible. I just can't. I can't believe that everyone is a sinner. I try to be a little more positive than that. I can't believe that homosexuality is wrong. I can't believe women are lesser than men. I can't believe the bible is the word of some deity, when it's written by man. I don't have a problem with people who are Christian. I just have a problem with them telling me I'm wrong when I don't have a reason to believe in their religion. I just can't.
I tried to let Jesus in. Nothing happened. Then as I explored spirituality, I came across Wicca. When I started to practice, I felt something. It was more than I have ever felt when I tried to read the bible (and yes, I read a good number of books in the bible). I feel the presence of the Goddess and the God when I cast a ritual circle. That's how I know that what I practice is right for me. The goddess gives me strength in times of need and strength. Jesus and the Christian god was never there for me. So why should I be there for him and believe in him? I just can't.
So please, all Christians everywhere, I love discussing religion and having a healthy religious debate, but don't expect me to change my views.
Don't force me to believe as you do.
Don't tell me I'm going to hell, a place I don't believe exists.
Don't send me messages telling me to repent.
Don't quote the bible.
That's another thing. Christians are always quoting the bible. Can't you think for yourself? Don't believe the bible because someone tells you it's the truth. Go on a spiritual journey and make sure you know why you believe in the bible. Only then can you find your own spiritual truth. If it's Christianity, that's great. You've found your path. But please realize that Jesus is not the only way, and leave the Pagans alone. Leave the Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Zoroastrians, and everyone else alone.
I know why I believe what I believe. Do you?
An Alberta Adventure
So here I am. I'm in Alberta. It's very different here. At times I miss Nova Scotia. I miss the ocean, with the sea breeze blowing through my hair. I miss the long walks along the Halifax Harbour. I miss the city, I miss the Valley.
I stepped onto the airplane, excited for my future. I didn't know what to expect. All I know is that I was doing something I have never done before. Yeah, I was scared...terrified even. But I was also nervous because I didn't know if I could make it out west. I was happy that I was doing something for my future, instead of working endlessly at some dead-end job without any chance of real success.
I stepped off the plane at the airport in Edmonton and there I was, in the big city. It was too late to turn back, but I still had doubts this would work. Maybe I underestimate myself, I don't know. All I know is that it was too late. I had to do it.
We had a few days off to get settled. We spent some time getting a lay of the lands in St. Albert, the neighbouring city. Then on Monday, we headed to work for the first time. I had spent the last four months unemployed, so I was not used to work. I got frustrated easily. I even felt like crying at times. Could I really do it? I didn't think I could. I thought that maybe it was a mistake to come. But then I remembered I made a commitment to come and work towards a bright future. The road was going to be long, and have many a winding turn, and many bumps, and ups and downs, but that didn't mean I couldn't somehow make it out on top.
The people I work with (all of them) have been nice and understanding that I was still in the learning process. I started to believe that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It was a really good opportunity, so it's not like I lost interest. I just thought I didn't have the ability. Will I do it good enough? Will the people I work for be glad that I came to work for them? Will I be able to do everything I need to do without having someone stand behind me telling me how it's done? Only time will tell.
It's only been a week. A six-day week for me. Just one day off, and back to work for five more days. I tell you, I have never been so exhausted as I was on Friday, getting home. My back was so sore I had to lay on the floor to work the kinks out. My head felt like someone dropped a bowling ball on it. My legs were so numb I thought I wasn't going to be able to walk all weekend. But there was also this sense of satisfaction. When one of my co-workers told me that it was a great first week for me. I started to believe that I could only improve with time. A few other people I work with have also told me I wasn't as bad as I thought I was.
And Steve. What would I do without him? He helped me get through this first week more than anyone can. And for the first time in my life, I started to believe in myself. Maybe I CAN do this. Maybe I CAN forget about my hangups and so-called limitations. After all, tomorrow is a new day, and is also the first day of the rest of my life.
The future looks bright. I can't wait to see what will happen. I still miss Nova Scotia, and yes, I will admit, I miss my family and my Shadow...oh, and I can't forget my tarantula. But Alberta is a cool place. I'll be here for eight months, and it will be one continuous adventure. I will learn a lot at work, and in my spare time I will visit all kinds of places around here. I look forward to seeing the snow-capped Rocky Mountains, and the busy Calgary. I can't wait to explore this beautiful province. I can't wait to learn more at work.
People have been asking me what West Ed Mall is like. It's cool for about an hour, then it gets old. I spent the day there, and it was hardly different than a regular mall. It has an indoor amusement park. One roller coaster is called the Mindbender and it is crazy fast and has tons of hills and loops. No, I didn't brave that ride...yet. They have a sealion show, but I think of it like a circus. Just another way to exploit the poor animals for amusement. There's also a water park with all kinds of waterslides. Then there are tons of stores for every taste. I liked the book stores and any store that had wolf things, swords, or mystical items. I still had fun at the mall.
So anyways, that was my adventure in Alberta so far. I hope that these eight months are filled with fun and learning. Before I know it, I will be back home and enjoying the ocean in no time! If I could pick one thing I miss about living in Nova Scotia, I would definitely have to say the ocean. I took Her for granted, but never again.
Well, let the adventure continue...
I stepped onto the airplane, excited for my future. I didn't know what to expect. All I know is that I was doing something I have never done before. Yeah, I was scared...terrified even. But I was also nervous because I didn't know if I could make it out west. I was happy that I was doing something for my future, instead of working endlessly at some dead-end job without any chance of real success.
I stepped off the plane at the airport in Edmonton and there I was, in the big city. It was too late to turn back, but I still had doubts this would work. Maybe I underestimate myself, I don't know. All I know is that it was too late. I had to do it.
We had a few days off to get settled. We spent some time getting a lay of the lands in St. Albert, the neighbouring city. Then on Monday, we headed to work for the first time. I had spent the last four months unemployed, so I was not used to work. I got frustrated easily. I even felt like crying at times. Could I really do it? I didn't think I could. I thought that maybe it was a mistake to come. But then I remembered I made a commitment to come and work towards a bright future. The road was going to be long, and have many a winding turn, and many bumps, and ups and downs, but that didn't mean I couldn't somehow make it out on top.
The people I work with (all of them) have been nice and understanding that I was still in the learning process. I started to believe that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It was a really good opportunity, so it's not like I lost interest. I just thought I didn't have the ability. Will I do it good enough? Will the people I work for be glad that I came to work for them? Will I be able to do everything I need to do without having someone stand behind me telling me how it's done? Only time will tell.
It's only been a week. A six-day week for me. Just one day off, and back to work for five more days. I tell you, I have never been so exhausted as I was on Friday, getting home. My back was so sore I had to lay on the floor to work the kinks out. My head felt like someone dropped a bowling ball on it. My legs were so numb I thought I wasn't going to be able to walk all weekend. But there was also this sense of satisfaction. When one of my co-workers told me that it was a great first week for me. I started to believe that I could only improve with time. A few other people I work with have also told me I wasn't as bad as I thought I was.
And Steve. What would I do without him? He helped me get through this first week more than anyone can. And for the first time in my life, I started to believe in myself. Maybe I CAN do this. Maybe I CAN forget about my hangups and so-called limitations. After all, tomorrow is a new day, and is also the first day of the rest of my life.
The future looks bright. I can't wait to see what will happen. I still miss Nova Scotia, and yes, I will admit, I miss my family and my Shadow...oh, and I can't forget my tarantula. But Alberta is a cool place. I'll be here for eight months, and it will be one continuous adventure. I will learn a lot at work, and in my spare time I will visit all kinds of places around here. I look forward to seeing the snow-capped Rocky Mountains, and the busy Calgary. I can't wait to explore this beautiful province. I can't wait to learn more at work.
People have been asking me what West Ed Mall is like. It's cool for about an hour, then it gets old. I spent the day there, and it was hardly different than a regular mall. It has an indoor amusement park. One roller coaster is called the Mindbender and it is crazy fast and has tons of hills and loops. No, I didn't brave that ride...yet. They have a sealion show, but I think of it like a circus. Just another way to exploit the poor animals for amusement. There's also a water park with all kinds of waterslides. Then there are tons of stores for every taste. I liked the book stores and any store that had wolf things, swords, or mystical items. I still had fun at the mall.
So anyways, that was my adventure in Alberta so far. I hope that these eight months are filled with fun and learning. Before I know it, I will be back home and enjoying the ocean in no time! If I could pick one thing I miss about living in Nova Scotia, I would definitely have to say the ocean. I took Her for granted, but never again.
Well, let the adventure continue...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Love Is...
Love is happiness
Love is caring for each other
Love is helping each other
Love is compromise
Love is romance
Love is having good times
Love is having things in common
Love is celebrating the differences
Love is acceptance
Love is blind
Love is being there for each other
Love is trust
Love is being faithful
Love is truth
Love is a good feeling
Love is good communication
Love is a shoulder to cry on
Love is a warm hug and a tender kiss
Love is attraction
Love is humour
Love is protection
Love is sticking up for each other
Love is being proud of each other
Love is something that makes the world go around
Love is everything
I searched throughout my life for the love I needed. I looked for Mr. Right. After high school, I started to give up. I still had little puppylove crushes, but they lasted only a couple weeks at most. I accepted that I might never find someone I could love with all my heart and soul. Yet when I least expected it, about six or seven years after high school, someone did walk into my life. Since then, it was a roller coaster ride. It wasn't always sunshine and lollipops, we've had our share of problems over the last four years. But we've grown stronger. And I couldn't be happier to have him in my life.
This note is dedicated to the love in my life: Steve.
Love is caring for each other
Love is helping each other
Love is compromise
Love is romance
Love is having good times
Love is having things in common
Love is celebrating the differences
Love is acceptance
Love is blind
Love is being there for each other
Love is trust
Love is being faithful
Love is truth
Love is a good feeling
Love is good communication
Love is a shoulder to cry on
Love is a warm hug and a tender kiss
Love is attraction
Love is humour
Love is protection
Love is sticking up for each other
Love is being proud of each other
Love is something that makes the world go around
Love is everything
I searched throughout my life for the love I needed. I looked for Mr. Right. After high school, I started to give up. I still had little puppylove crushes, but they lasted only a couple weeks at most. I accepted that I might never find someone I could love with all my heart and soul. Yet when I least expected it, about six or seven years after high school, someone did walk into my life. Since then, it was a roller coaster ride. It wasn't always sunshine and lollipops, we've had our share of problems over the last four years. But we've grown stronger. And I couldn't be happier to have him in my life.
This note is dedicated to the love in my life: Steve.
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